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Bisexuality is about as common as oxygen. I’ve been known to hump a male beaver every now and then.

What is unique to the human species is the military.

For some reason the concept of interguy-humping was difficult to embrace for many. For a long time the US military upheld the ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy, which in effect was the ‘Don’t hold back, but don’t keep track’ policy.

Let’s face it: the military is a group of young men in their sexual prime stuck together for extended periods of time. Why would you even bother to ask?

Below is a listof military slang commonly used in the military. I felt like sharing it with you guys. It puts the ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy in a nice perspective:

ASS – Armored vehicles
Bag of Dicks – Problematic situation
Balls to the Walls – Hurry up!
Big Dick Contest – Who has the most experience
Rainbowflight – First flight for trainees
Sperm on a Sponge – Decontamination wipe
Embrace the Suck – Stop complaining
Top – Master Sergeant
Bottom – Well, guess…
Two Beer Queer – A guy who will do gay stuff after a little alcohol
Un-Ass! – Get out!
Big Green Dick – Administration
A Blue Job – Air Force Member
Bones – Doctor
Broken Dick – Wounded Soldier
Buddy-Fucker – Someone who disregards someone else’s welfare
Bum Scoop – Bad information
Cheesedicked – Done with little effort
Cumshaw – Something for free
Cock Holster – A mouth
Dick Trap – Also a mouth
Cum Dumpster – Again, a mouth
Suck – Still a mouth
Dicked up – Being incorrect
Dick Beaters – Fingers
Dick Skinners – Hands
Penis Peelers – More hands
Full Screw – Recently Promoted Corporal
Big Green Weenie – Someone who has been ‘fucked over’
Hard Ball – Any hard road
Poles in the Holes – Shutting down a nuclear reactor
Queertrons – Weird acting electrons
Swinging Dick – Any member of the military
Gagglefuck – Marines grouped too close together
Nut to butt – Stand in line
Grab-ass – Lounging
FAG – Former Action Guy
Balls to nut sack – Grouped uncomfortably close together
Band Fag – Musician
Belt Felt Cock – Harsh punishment
C.O.C.K. – Confirmation of Combat Knowledge
Double Cock – Getting twice the amount of discipline
Flag Fag – Naval Communicator
FNG – Fucking New Guy (Figuratively speaking I assume, but I didn’t ask, so I wasn’t told)
YMCA – The Navy (Seriously!)
SwAss – Sweaty Ass
Dickbag – Douchebag
Dirty-Dick – To rub genitalia on someone’s cup or soda to be funny (also a mating ritual in other primates)
Sausage Fest – A situation without women, only lots of men (Kinda like the army, one might say)
Rock out with your cock out – You can relax
Ground Pounder – Infantry Soldier
Funnel Faggot – Any member of Marine Engineering Branch
Foot in your ass – Severe discipline
Pump and Dump – Sex

Sigmund Freud himself could not have come up with this kind of hopelessly suppressed homo-eroticism. Nothing wrong with it. It just begs the question: Who needed asking?

Pictured: A nice picture that has no real relevance to this article.

Pictured: A nice picture that has no real relevance to this article.