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Did you know atheists and religious fanatics share a common belief? It’s hard to imagine those two groups agreeing on something, isn’t it? But believe it or not, they fight for and on the same common ground. They don’t believe in a guy up in the clouds. Rather, they believe in something much more powerful.

Money.

It's like a god, only much more vengeful.

It’s like a god, only much more vengeful.

Think about it: Money is just a piece of paper. In most cases it doesn’t even make it to paper. It’s just a number in a computer. It’s nothing.

And yet you believe in it. Suck on that, you rationally reasoned atheists!

"At least I don't consider it a sin to suck."

“At least I don’t consider it a sin to suck.”

As a beaver and proud member of the animal kingdom, I care about Money like you humans care about the climate: we don’t mind Money exists, but we treat it as if it doesn’t make any difference.

Sure, you guys give Money to Greenpeace and Sarah McLachlan, so in that respect Money is saving us from extermination. But we also know animals are expendable when it comes to making Money.

To animals it's like a force of nature.

To animals it’s like a force of nature.

If only you humans admired the miracle that is a healthy atmosphere as you admire Money. That surely would make Sarah McLachlan happy.

"Hi, I'm Sarah McLachlan. I had a hit song over a decade ago."

“Hi, I’m Sarah McLachlan. I had a hit song over a decade ago.”

But no, you believe in Money, which is why Sarah McLachlan keeps asking you for it. And I guess it makes sense. If you stopped believing, humanity would crumble and resort to eating mangos and chasing boar.

"Hey guys, I'm so boared. Get it? Boared, get it? You guys think I should do stand-up?"

“Hey guys, I’m so boared. Get it? Boared, get it? You guys think I should do stand-up?”

It’s the one religion that somehow holds people together. Granted, it’s not a great marriage, but it’s working out, more or less.

Whether you believe Virgin Mary got inseminated by god or that she was a slut looking for an alibi, you believe that little bit of Money in your wallet is worth something. Not only you believe it. Everybody does! If your wallet gets stolen, the thief would totally agree with you on the worth of what he stole. And yet it’s only a piece of paper, a few coins, a plastic card with digits and a condom past its expiry date. (My studies on humanity taught me there’s about a 65-75% chance that condom is there, so don’t be thinking How does he KNOW!?)

Whether you’re a greedy bastard or a left wing tofu eater, your life revolves around Money. You’re all part of this thing you call an economy. All because you believe in Money.

Sure, there are those that choose to exile themselves and live in a tent on a mountain in a country no one can pronounce. But even they took a flight to get there. They bought a tent. If they’re smart, they also bought a knife. Some might even argue they hurt the economy by refusing to be part of it. Because everybody is part of it. Those that refuse to participate just slow it down, cause if you buy a knife, you oughta buy a can opener just in case. If you buy a can opener, you might as well buy a can. If you need a can, you need a kitchen to store it. If you need a kitchen, you need a house. If you need a house, you need to get out of your tent and start working, you lazy hippie!

At least, that’s what your belief in Money dictates.

I have nothing against it. It just amazes me. It amazes all the animals. Trust me, we laugh at all your gods, but Money always gets us rolling over the floor, crying from laughter.

Don’t worry, I’m not a naïve beaver. I can see you guys need Money to sustain your way of life. I wouldn’t want you to resort to being animals. I can say for a fact the animal kingdom will not take you back. Not even Sarah McLachlan.

"Hi, I'm Sarah McLachlan, making sure you haven't forgotten about me."

“Hi, I’m Sarah McLachlan, making sure you haven’t forgotten about me yet.”

I’m just saying you’re living a lie and you all know it.

Money, The Wheel, Prostitution. Those are three inventions that always stuck around. You guys invented them and held on to them for lack of a better alternative. I mean, the wheel has its merits, but the worth of Money is questionable and I doubt prostitution has ever contributed to a better world.

I particularly feel sorry for the people working their asses of each day. Those people work for Money. If it’s work you like doing, I guess the deal isn’t so bad. If you’re a professor flipping burgers at McDonald’s because the economy rightfully has no need for experts in the field of Geological Anthropological Linguistics in the Mayan Kingdom in the period of 225-200BC, then you’re pretty much screwed.

You guys basically prostitute yourselves for Money to keep the wheel of life going. You believe in Money. You believe in the wheel. I guess that also means you believe in prostitution.

Pictured: The Wheel, Money and Prostitution.

Pictured: The Wheel, Money and Prostitution.

From a beaver’s perspective, that’s very funny.

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