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Dear B.A.,

The 1980’s were weird in many ways. The A-Team covered the 80’s spectrum nicely: the good, the bad and the non threatening tough black guy that just happened to be ugly.

No offense. You got style(ishness), but you're not exactly the cover for Men's Health, are you?

No offense. You got style(ishness), but you’re not exactly the cover for Men’s Health, are you?

Campy dialogue, repetitive plots and machine guns used for hitting tires. In our day and age, your show would have been called ‘Breaking Good’.

Even though hardly anyone ever died, it was still a testosterone feast. That’s how I always remembered the A-Team: as a bunch of manly outlaws fighting for justice in situations that clearly lacked any ethical conflict. At least, I don’t think there was ever an episode in which you either blew up or protected an abortion clinic, depending on your stance on the issue.
It was a simpler time, or so I thought.

It all changed a few days ago when I came across an episode featuring Boy George.

This Boy George.

This Boy George.

Yes, Boy George guest starred on an episode of the A-Team. And you, B.A., were his biggest fan. I’ll rephrase that: you, the result of a cloning experiment featuring Bill Cosby and Godzilla, were a fan of Boy George, a Pet Shop Boys’ pet.

Pictured: Boy George meets the gang and boy, are you happy to see him.

Pictured: Boy George meets the gang and boy, are you happy to see him.

I get why rumors about your own sexuality pop up from time to time. I personally don’t believe you are gay. I do applaud you for shaking your booty to the sound of Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Chameleon, a song I must say gets annoying really quickly. I’m gay and I wouldn’t shake my booty to that song if my life depended on it.

In an era where people still cared who Anita Bryant was, you guys hit prime time with a clip of Boy George swaying a bunch of rednecks with his music.

Now, I don’t mean to discredit rednecks. Some are actually quite nice once you wipe their tobacco off your face. But to present rednecks with Boy George is like inviting a giraffe into a lion’s den.

But you were the A-Team. You may be the world’s worst shots, but you hit the bull’s eye when it came to human rights. In just 45 minutes of television, Boy George saves the day by the magic of song.

And I will never think of the A-Team as a testosterone feast ever again.

Boy George joins the A-Team. Who the hell came up with that? Was it you, B.A.? You were his biggest fan after all.

Granted, looking at it 25 years later, it’s laughable. Just so we’re clear: I’m not saying the A-Team was good television. It was bad television with good intentions, and a black guy that just happened to be kinda unattractive-like.

Not too long ago, an A-Team movie came out. I didn’t see it. Primarily because I’m not a big fan of the A-Team, but also because nothing could match the campiness of your time. Go figure, matching you guys with Boy George would be like the Olsen Twins guest starring in The Walking Dead: it wouldn’t be ridiculous, because < insert anorexia joke here >. In other words, we’ve pushed too many boundaries these days.
Stuff like that worked fine a quarter of a century ago, precisely because it still was ridiculous.

In your case, you taught the world two things. The first one was that big black people can be just like normal people. The second was that gay people can be just like normal people. It says a lot about the 80’s that people needed the A-Team to tell them that. Regardless, someone had to. I pity the fool who didn’t pay attention then:

Pity.

Pity.

Kind regards,

A. van Nerel

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