Science, Selfies and Factophobia

Tags

Cynism, Facebook, Factophobia, Humor, Individualism, Religion, Sarcasm, Satire, Science, Selfie, Social media

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You humans seem to be interested in two things:

Science…

…and Selfies.

As the year is drawing to a close, it’s time to determine 2013’s ‘Word of the Year’. However, you humans can’t agree on what word to pick.

The people behind Oxford Dictionary favour – yes, they favor with a ‘u’ – ‘Selfie’. The people of Merriam-Webster think ‘Science’ should win the trophy.

For those of you unfamiliar with words, a Selfie is a meaningless picture of oneself generally posted on a social media outlet. Science is that thing that has religion playing catch up for the last 500 years or so.

Pictured: One of Leonardo da Vinci’s selfies.

Merriam-Webster found ‘Science’ had the biggest and most substantial increase in last year’s Google searches. Oxford probably reached their conclusion the moment they joined Facebook.

Facebook: Proudly celebrating individualism together since 2004.

Sadly, I’m inclined to agree with Oxford. ‘Science’ could have been Word of the Year 1633, when Galileo Galilei faced off with the church pretending to be Sean Hannity.

Pictured: A factophobe, a person with an irrational fear of facts. Indeed, I am nominating ‘factophobe’ for next year’s competition.

It’s nice to know people are showing a bigger interest in science. But in my humble opinion most humans would rather snap a selfie than learn about cold fusion.

And let’s be honest: who doesn’t snap a selfie every now and then? That picture of A. van Nerel in About the authors and this site? That’s a selfie. That’s A. van Nerel trying to look smart. He even made it black and white to look smarter. But make no mistake about it: it was he himself who had pushed a button ten seconds before that pic was taken. And it was probably his fourth or fifth attempt, as he’s not good at looking smart. Also, it’s difficult to let one’s smartphone stand upright.

A. van Nerel definitely spent more time on his selfie than on science that day.

My favorite selfies are the ones you find on dating sites. Nowhere do smartphones fuel vanity as much as in this corner of the internet. Nothing’s more amusing than to see a human being try to look sexy while holding a device originally intended for making calls.

Pictured: An early model selfie device, before telephones became ‘selfie-aware’.

Just so we’re clear: I wish it upon every human being to feel as sexy as Tom Jones’ underwear.
But most selfies suggest people think sexy and needy are one and the same.

Because that’s what a selfie is, isn’t it? It’s a need for attention and validation. I wonder what made humans feel validated in the previous millennium. It seems so long ago.

No more than five pictures exist of Neil Armstrong’s moon picknick. Not one of them a selfie.

Personally, I feel it’s a bit sad the word ‘selfie’ has become such an integral part of your existence. If only Merriam-Webster was right: I can’t help but feel the world could be better off if science was a common activity rather than a common search term.

But perhaps you need to overcome yourselves first. Perhaps selfies are caused by factophobia. Perhaps people fear the world’s ever growing complexity and look inward for comfort. Basically, that’s exactly what science would tell you not to do.

But science could still beat selfies. In 2015! Just make sure ‘factophobia’ becomes ‘Word of the Year 2014’. If people can accept their factophobia, they could overcome it. Then they could embrace science at the expense of selfies.

Makes perfect sense, right?

In aid of promoting the word ‘factophobia’, I present you with a short list of famous factophobes. Spread the word!

Factophobe #1: Michelle Bachmann; Believes Founding Fathers ended slavery. Fact: Benjamin Frankling probably humped a slave or two in his time.

Factophobe #2: Pope Francis; Believes snakes can talk. Fact: No, they cannot.

Factophobe #3: Ann Coulter; Believes Canada sent troops to Vietnam. Fact: No, Canada did not.

Factophobe #4: Donald Trump; Believes snow is evidence against global warming. Fact: He might recant by the time his outhouse on the Bahamas snows under.

Factophobe #5: David Irving; Believes the holocaust is a myth. Fact; 6 million people can’t just go up in smoke, can they? Oh wait, that’s exactly what happened.

Factophobe #6: Former South African president Thabo Mbeki; Believes antiretroviral medication is not warranted for people with HIV. Fact: about 365,000 South Africans are believed to have died due to misguided healthcare under his leadership.

Factophobe #7: Cardinal George Pell; Believes Neanderthals can’t possibly be our forefathers. Fact: No, indeed they can’t. They’re Homo sapiens’ genealogical cousins.

I could go on, but my guess is you get the message. In the name of science, make ‘factophobia’ Word of the Year 2014!

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